Here come the ho's!!!

Aight mothafuckas! I dun told you befo that DJ Stubblejumper be coming at y'alls with some prime cut ho's. I gotz to make some money as a playa and a pimp to support my career as a rhyme saya. I also told you befo I only be dealin with the hi-society Saskatchewan ho's. I aint down wit them skanky Manitoba bitches. I spend allz sortza time this spring travellin round the province makin deals and gatherin up a whole bushel of hot ho's. I gotz some people lookin after them and now theyze in prime shape and Iz gonna introduce you to them. Here we go.


First up here is a ho out of North Battleford who goes by the name of Luscious. She is f-i-n-e fine. I guarantee that if you spend a night with Luscious, she will grind away until he sun comez up. She gotz the skillz and the stamina. She can also suck a bowling ball through a garden hose.


Next up is two sisters named Sugar and Spice (that's Sugar on the left and Spice on the right). I met them on 20th street in Saskatoon and I gotz to tell y'all that theze two bitches are the bomb. The bomb. They took me back to their crib and did shit to me that is probably illegal everywherez except Bangkok. Believe the hype!



Next up is Luan whoze from parents immigrated from China - they now livez in Regina. Yeah I even gotz Asian bitches for you. You luckee, she suckee. Aw yeah!


Ya, youze know DJ Stubblejumper is the man wit the plan. Ize even gotz the shaved bitches fo yallz!

Last on the menu is Samantha. I met her at a hotel bar in Prince Albert and Iz can tell ya she is down for anythin. And I mean anythin. You wanna dress her up in some school girl outfit and get yo freak on? She down wit that. You wanna do some crazy mothafucka S&M shit. You best believe she down wit that - and she likes it.

Let me know tell y'allz that these ho's is the hi-est quality you eva dun seen! I gotz some 4H kidz lookin after them makin sure they stayz in prime condition. Theyz clean, well fed and alwayz be in da mood for some hot, hot sexiness.

I youze be interested in anyone of these fine ladiez just drop me a line and I'll hook you up. I can even deliver straight do your door.

Pimps up, ho's down mothafuckas!

DJ Stubblejumper in the house, mothafuckas!

Wass up niggaz? This iz DJ Stubblejumper in the house, mothafucka! My main man Fluwten McGunch (that’s Mr. Gunch to you punk-ass biatches) hooked me up here on this blog so Iz gonna be posting every once in a while. I won’t be posting as often as Fluwten does because I ain’t gots the time - Iz too busy slingin rhymes and dropping phat beats on yo mama’s fat ass to do this shit every day.

So, the question you gots to be asking yoself right now is who is this badass fly mothafucka named DJ Stubblejumper? I’ll tell straight up I am the dopest, phattest goddamnest mothafuckin gopher you eva done seen. Iz be representing Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. That’s right fools. You gots to know us PA niggaz are hard as steel. Weze so goddamn hard we gots to buy kelvar diapers for the gopher babies. We gots kids in preschool here whoze be bustin more caps than the pigs at the LAPD. This shit is real fool. Don’t you dare be laughin/Or yo punk ass I be capping. Shiiiiiit - Iz aint even trying to drop rhymes and they still be flowing like honey. Damn!

Anywayz, since yall want to know more about me, Iz gonna tell you a story that done happened when I wuz a kid. It was December 24th, 1980. Yeah, that’s right Christmas Eve. Santa and Rudolph and all that bullshit. So, anywayz I wuz walking home late after work. I heard a noise and who do I see? Santa! Aint that something. Santa Claus is a honky whitebread cracker mothafuckin soze I knowin I waznt gonna get jack shit from him. Santa gots no love for the black man or gophers. He wuz on a roof carrying his bag full of toys and shit. He headed down the chimney to deliver it to the chump crackers in the house. I wazn’t feelin that shit. I ran over to the house and climbed up the downspout for the eaves trough. When I got to the top I pulled myself over the edge I saw them reindeer right in front of me. They saw me and Rudolph asked me what I was doing on the roof. I walked up to Rudolph and pulled out my Glock. I thought that punk-ass fool was going to shit right there. I told the reindeer to get the fuck out of dodge or I wuz gonna have to bust a cap. Those little reindeer bitches took off in a flash.
I walked over to the chimney and waited. About ten minutes later I could here that fat-ass Santa coming up the chimney. When his head poked out of the top I stick my Glock in his face. I said, “Merry Christmas mothafucka. Here’s what’s goin down Whitey. I’m jackin’ you for your bag of toys. You’ze gonna step out of the chimney nice and slow like and drop the bag. Then you’ze gonna get the fuck out of here. You make one wrong move and it’s on. This is one gopher you don’t wants to be fucking with fool.”

Santa done shit his pants right then and there. Damn it stunk. Anywayz, he dropped the bag and took of. Probably to go find some clean underwear. I grabbed the bag and headed home. When I got back to the hood everyone went crazy. We aint used to getting presents and shit in the projects. I was a goddamn mothafuckin hero. Santa done learned an important lesson that day: don’t mess with a gopher from the projects. Biatch!