Da Chronic part 2 mothafuckas!

Aight homeboyz and homegirlz. I went over to Tyrone's place again today to seez howz the weed be growin. Tyrone figurez it almost be ready. Naturally, since Iz a perfectionist I aksed Tyrone if weze can be testin it. Tyrone sez yes and soon as you can be saying 'shalangadang' weze wuz blazin a huge spliff.


I gotz to tell youze boyz and girlz that Tyrone's crop is the shit. Those British Columbia mothafuckas better watch out because Tyrone gotz the hydroponics shit goin on.

After we started blazin we put in a DVD and watched "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" again. Youze best believin that between the joint and the movie we had a mad cravin for some White Castle. Of course they aint no White Castle in Saskatchewan (none that I ever seen anywayz) soze we had to go into town to the A and W (cuz their aint nuttin else). Of course we aint down with payin for no food. We parked a few blocks down the street and walked to the A&W. We waited by the drive through window. Some punks in a pickup truck pulled up and ordered mothafuckin Teen burger and fries and shakes. Tyrone and I could already taste it. Damn we wuz hungry. So, when the order wuz ready, we crawled right under the truck window. When the fastfood biatch passed the food to the punks in the truck, we ran up the side of the truck, grabbed the food and ran off. We jacked them mothafuckas for their food right in the drive through! A few moments later we were at the jeep. We jumped in and sped off in case 5-0 be showin up.

On the way back we drove by a farm and saw a fine-looking biatch standing by the side of the road.


We pulled over and introduced ourselvez. She said her name wuz "Luscious." Damn! She said she been turning tricks on the gravel road in front of that farm for the last month. Of course I gotz to thinkin that I could also use another ho in my stable. A pimp alwayz gotz to be lookin out for new talent. Me and Luscious gotz to talkin and befo you know it, she in the back of the jeep and weze headin home. I knowz what ya''l be thinkin - as soon as I gotz home I hit that booty. Well, the DJ Stubblejumper don't roll like that. First of all, I aint down with no sheep - I aint no oreo race traitor. Second of all, a good pimp don't be bangin his own ho's. If you be doin that, all the ho's start gettin jealous of one another etc etc. I aint gotz time for that bull-shit.

Sorry Iz can't be writin more now. Tyrone's chronic gotz me all fucked up...

It's da chronic mothafuckas!

I gotz a homeboy a few gopher holes down named Tyrone. Weze known each other forever and when weze wuz kidz we be gettin into all sortza trouble together. With me being busy with the rappin and the pimpin I aint seen Tyrone in a long time. I went and seen him and my bro has got the shit all worked out. He dug a gopher hole way the hell outz in the middle of nowhere and he set up an underground hydroponic operation. And youze best believin he aint growin no flowers or any of that shit.

My man Tyrone is growin a crop of whatz gonna be the finest weed around. I knowz everyone be talkin about British Columbia weed and how itz the best and I aint gonna dispute that. But Tyrone is on his game and when he startz somethin he aint stoppin until itz done right. For example, he jacked the electricity for the hydro gear from the farmer. I be doin that allz the time but every once in a while the farmer finds out, pulls the plug and my turntable aint turn no more until I getz set up again. But Tyrone be jackin electricity forever and he aint ever been caught. He just be real careful about where he jackin from and he be spendin a lot of time hidin the electrical wirez and all that shit.

So, sooner or later Tyrone gonna be harvestin a massive crop of ganja. When he do that, of course first thing right off weze gonna be blazin one fatass joint -and probably watch The Big Lebowski again. That shit is dope. After that though, Tyrone gotz to be moving his merchandise from his gopher hole to his customers. Tyrone aint down with selling no chronic to other gopherz, but he aint gotz no problem sellin to the other farm animalz and the to crackerz on the outside. Tyrone's got a problem though - distribution. He aint got no way to move the product. You be knowin and he be knowin, that the DJ is all over that. Just last week I went up to the farmhouse and jacked me a vehicle. Once of the farmer's kids left his radio-controlled jeep outside. When it got dark, I rolled in, hotwired it and brung it back to the gopher hole. The farmer probably thought his dumbass kid just lost it. He bought the kid another vehicle and I jacked that one too! I figurez that me, the jeep and a shipment of Tyrone's chronic be lookin something like this

You know what? Iz gonna be rollin like Ricky, Julian and Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys mothafuckas! Plus I gotz cash coming in from the ho's and my rhymin is gettin tighter every day. pretty soon iz gonna have all the cash and chronic I could ever want. This niggaz is on da move!

Step off punk-ass mothafuckas! I ain't goin down like dat!

Yo Gs. It only been a few dayz since DJ Stubblejumper introduced his pimp-daddy playa hussla door to door ho delivery service. Already some punk-ass mothafuckas gotz to be trying to play me. I wuz makin a ho delivery to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan when some mothafucka by the side of the road flagged me down. It looked like their car wuz havin problemz soze I stopped to help them out. Youze probably knowz that gopherz be a social animal so Iz feel an obligation to help out anyone than be havin troublez - even some redneck whitebread cracker mothafuckas. Howeva, when I stopped my car and got out, theze mothafuckas tried to grab the ho and jack the car. Aint nobody gonna gank a gangster rapper like DJ Stubblejumper!

I hussled over to the first cracker and ran up his leg and didn't stop until I got to his face and bit that cracker until he be bleeding. He be yellin and screamin and started rollin around on the ground. I jumped off and watched him suffer. Damn it felt good broz. The second mofo dun saw what happened and jumped in his car and yelled to the first mofo to get in. I let the first mofo go and they both sped off. I aint no sucka and Iz figurin they might be comin back wit some friendz. So, I grabbed my ho, tossed her in the back seat of the car to keep her safe and I grabbed my gun out of the trunk. It wuz time to put the A to the mothafuckin K. I walked up the road and bit and dug me a little foxhole at the nearest intersection. If thoze mothafuckas came back the wuz gonna get popped. I let the ho out of the backseat for a few minutez - just long enough for her to take a photo of me:

Aint no South Central gangbanging niggaz or Tony Montana or anybody eva looked as tough as I do here. Damn!

I waited for half an hour and finally I heard a car be approaching. I stood up (DJ Stubblejumper aint duckin fo no punk-ass cracker mothafuckas) and got ready to fire. This nigga had his finger on the trigger when the car came into view. It was the same car as befo and full of mofo crackers. The car stopped at the intersection and I screamed "THIS IS FOR HUEY NEWTON MOTHAFUCKAS!" I opened fire and the AK ripped the car apart. The crackers tried to speed away but I dun blew away their tires. They jumped out of the car and hid in the ditch. I yelled again, "YO MOTHAFUCKAS! HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?"

I kept firing away until the clip was empty. The car was just a pile of swiss cheeze metal by then. I popped in another clip in case the crackers tried somethin. I waited for a while and I couldn't hear nuttin. I walked over to my car and jumped in. The ho in the back seat was going bezerk. I told her to shut the fuck up or she would be next. You best believe she aint say nuttin after that. I wuz temped to go over and cap all dem whitebread mofos right then and there but sometimez bidness comes first. I wuz late deliverin the ho and I needed to get goin. As I drove by the place where the crackers wuz hidin I let out one round and yelled out the window, "Lesson learned mothafuckas. Don't mess with us hardcore Prince Albert niggaz. Weze be playin fo keeps." I drove off and not one of the crackers even had the gutz to pop his head out of the ditch. Coward mothafuckas.

After I reached the drop-off point of da ho, she begged me to let her take another photo of me. Ya see, the DJ Stubblejumper is located on such a refined sexilicious plane of existence of magnitude that all da ladiez be wantin a piece - even if the piece just be a photograph.

Pimps up, ho's and whitebread crackers down mothafuckas!

Here come the ho's!!!

Aight mothafuckas! I dun told you befo that DJ Stubblejumper be coming at y'alls with some prime cut ho's. I gotz to make some money as a playa and a pimp to support my career as a rhyme saya. I also told you befo I only be dealin with the hi-society Saskatchewan ho's. I aint down wit them skanky Manitoba bitches. I spend allz sortza time this spring travellin round the province makin deals and gatherin up a whole bushel of hot ho's. I gotz some people lookin after them and now theyze in prime shape and Iz gonna introduce you to them. Here we go.


First up here is a ho out of North Battleford who goes by the name of Luscious. She is f-i-n-e fine. I guarantee that if you spend a night with Luscious, she will grind away until he sun comez up. She gotz the skillz and the stamina. She can also suck a bowling ball through a garden hose.


Next up is two sisters named Sugar and Spice (that's Sugar on the left and Spice on the right). I met them on 20th street in Saskatoon and I gotz to tell y'all that theze two bitches are the bomb. The bomb. They took me back to their crib and did shit to me that is probably illegal everywherez except Bangkok. Believe the hype!



Next up is Luan whoze from parents immigrated from China - they now livez in Regina. Yeah I even gotz Asian bitches for you. You luckee, she suckee. Aw yeah!


Ya, youze know DJ Stubblejumper is the man wit the plan. Ize even gotz the shaved bitches fo yallz!

Last on the menu is Samantha. I met her at a hotel bar in Prince Albert and Iz can tell ya she is down for anythin. And I mean anythin. You wanna dress her up in some school girl outfit and get yo freak on? She down wit that. You wanna do some crazy mothafucka S&M shit. You best believe she down wit that - and she likes it.

Let me know tell y'allz that these ho's is the hi-est quality you eva dun seen! I gotz some 4H kidz lookin after them makin sure they stayz in prime condition. Theyz clean, well fed and alwayz be in da mood for some hot, hot sexiness.

I youze be interested in anyone of these fine ladiez just drop me a line and I'll hook you up. I can even deliver straight do your door.

Pimps up, ho's down mothafuckas!

Wass up Niggaz? This iz DJ Stubblejumper, with a message for yallz: Pimps up, ho’s down!

Yallz know that DJ Stubblejumper is kickin the mad flava on the stage. Iz spinnin rhymes that aint nobody heard before. Theze rhymes be so goddamn dope that Iz should be eatin my grits off of gold records by now. But I aint – yet. So, until my DJ skillz can pay the bills I gotz to branch out. Iz become an entrepreneurial bidnessman. Don’t yallz be dissin me. I aint down wit that stock market Enron cracker bullshit. Iz gonna partake in the only kind of bidness that a fly gopher like me gotz to be in wit. What kind of bidness youze askin? Iz now a motherfuckin pimp! That’s right yallz - Iz now bein a DJ and a pimp on the side. A old school goddamn prarie ho hussla! And youze gotz to know I aint dealin wit no ugly rundown gap teeth crack ho bitches. The DJ only be dealin wit the highest quality Saskatchewan ho’s. The DJ is a hi-class mothafucka all the way and that includes the pimpin and the ho’s. If I aint down wit puttin no generic brand peanut butter in my PB&J youze gotz to know I aint puttin no second-hand ho's in my pimpin bidness.

I knowz yallz be havin some questions like “Who you be pimpin to?” and “Where you be getting these fine, fine ho’s?” and “Where can I be gettin some?” First of all, Iz be pimpin to anyone wit the class and the money who be wantin to realize some sexuallatory adventures wit the finest ho’s on the praries. Second of all, Iz be finding these hi-society ho’s from all over Saskatchewn. Iz gotz such a solid rep as a DJ that the ho’s be knowin my pimpin bidness be hi-class. I now got ho’s be comin from North Battleford, Moose Jaw, Regina, Saskatoon, Prince Albert, etcetera. As for location, the bidness be delivery only for now until I getz some other details worked out.

Iz now busy gettin the pimpin bidness up to my hi standards. But, I knowin you want to see a little piece of the action so in the next few dayz I be postin some pics of the hottest ho’s you eva done seen! Damn!