The DJ Stubblejumper bein in love mothafuckas!

Yo niggaz! When it comez to the ladies, youze gotz to know DJ Stubblejumper be on the gopher booty from sunrise to sundown. Iz aint ever gotten emotional over any women though. When I be seein a woman the only thing I been thinkin about whether or not Iz should be tappin that ass. Well today I be a changed man. I was walkin to Tyrone's gopher hole when I seez a female gopher talkin to Sharonda (Sharonda iz a gopher a few holes down from mine). This gopher (the new chick on the block, not Sharonda) was f-i-n-e fine. I dun sprung me a woody right then and there. And with gopherz bein naked a boner aint easy to hide! Anywaz I couldn't go talk to the new chick then anywayz cuz Sharonda and I gotz a history (I sorta did her in high school behind the shed and told everybody about it and she wuznt too happy about it). Anyway, after a while Sharonda left and as soon as she wuz outta sight I went up and talk to the chick. Her name be Alexus. We talked about the 'hood a bit and she be sayin that she be movin here cuz she gotz family in the area. Tyrone wuz waitin for me (I had to go into town to get some hydroponic gear for him) soze I couldn't be stayin for long and talkin with her.

Alexus

Of course I gotz the digits from Alexus and I been tellin her I be callin later. I continued on to Tyrone's to tell him about the new hot biatch in the 'hood. I getz down the gopher hole and tell Tyrone I seen some hot pu-ssay in the field and I clocked the digits and I be tappin that ass very mothafuckin soon. Tyrone asked me what her name wuz and I sez "Alexus." The next thing I nowz iz Tyrone start gettin all angry and the mothafuckin punched me! I couldn't believe that shit. "What the fuck Tyrone?" I be sayin. Then Tyrone told me that Alexus and Tyrone are brother and sister. Ya, you be hearin me. It turns out that the family wuz seperated years ago durin a thunderstorm (before Tyrone wuz born) and the family thought Alexus and Shanice (there's two sisters!) were dead. But what happened wuz they be washed away into a creek and by the time the sisterz got to dry ground theze wuz miles away and lost. The wuz just finally reunited this week. Tyrone found out yesterday that he havin two sisters. And today he be findin out that iz trying to pound one of them in the ass. Shit...

Da Chronic part 2 mothafuckas!

Aight homeboyz and homegirlz. I went over to Tyrone's place again today to seez howz the weed be growin. Tyrone figurez it almost be ready. Naturally, since Iz a perfectionist I aksed Tyrone if weze can be testin it. Tyrone sez yes and soon as you can be saying 'shalangadang' weze wuz blazin a huge spliff.


I gotz to tell youze boyz and girlz that Tyrone's crop is the shit. Those British Columbia mothafuckas better watch out because Tyrone gotz the hydroponics shit goin on.

After we started blazin we put in a DVD and watched "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" again. Youze best believin that between the joint and the movie we had a mad cravin for some White Castle. Of course they aint no White Castle in Saskatchewan (none that I ever seen anywayz) soze we had to go into town to the A and W (cuz their aint nuttin else). Of course we aint down with payin for no food. We parked a few blocks down the street and walked to the A&W. We waited by the drive through window. Some punks in a pickup truck pulled up and ordered mothafuckin Teen burger and fries and shakes. Tyrone and I could already taste it. Damn we wuz hungry. So, when the order wuz ready, we crawled right under the truck window. When the fastfood biatch passed the food to the punks in the truck, we ran up the side of the truck, grabbed the food and ran off. We jacked them mothafuckas for their food right in the drive through! A few moments later we were at the jeep. We jumped in and sped off in case 5-0 be showin up.

On the way back we drove by a farm and saw a fine-looking biatch standing by the side of the road.


We pulled over and introduced ourselvez. She said her name wuz "Luscious." Damn! She said she been turning tricks on the gravel road in front of that farm for the last month. Of course I gotz to thinkin that I could also use another ho in my stable. A pimp alwayz gotz to be lookin out for new talent. Me and Luscious gotz to talkin and befo you know it, she in the back of the jeep and weze headin home. I knowz what ya''l be thinkin - as soon as I gotz home I hit that booty. Well, the DJ Stubblejumper don't roll like that. First of all, I aint down with no sheep - I aint no oreo race traitor. Second of all, a good pimp don't be bangin his own ho's. If you be doin that, all the ho's start gettin jealous of one another etc etc. I aint gotz time for that bull-shit.

Sorry Iz can't be writin more now. Tyrone's chronic gotz me all fucked up...

Richard Gere is a punkass mothafucka!

Wass up niggaz? Well, the DJ Stubblejumper is ready to go down to Hollywood and go on a mothafuckin rampage. I wuz just at Tyrone's gopher hole checkin out how his hydroponic weed operation iz goin. When I wuz there, he wuz tellin me a story about Richard Gere. Tyrone's be telling me lotza people has heard this story before but not me. Tyrone told me that Richard Gere be taking gerbils, shovin them up his ass and he be getting his kicks that way. I first sez to Tyrone that he be talkin bull-shit. But Tyrone sweared to me he aint lyin. I aint ever known Tyrone be saying no lies soze I gotz to believe him. When I realized it be true, youze best believe I wuz angry. Gopherz and gerbilz and kind of like cousins (weze both rodents) soze if someone be harassing a gerbil an O.G. gopher from the hood like me aint gonna put up with it.

When I getz enough money from pimpin and deliverin Tyrone's weed, Iz gonna uze some of the profits to but a ticket to Los Angeles, California and pay a little visit Mr. Richard Mothafucka Gere. Iz gonna take that sucka out gangster style. Any of you punkass Hollywood fools who be stickin rodents up yo ass best be stoppin that before I getz there. Iz gonna start with Richard Gere, but aint gonna stop untilz I getz all the gerbil abusing mothafuckas in Hollywood. Itz on suckas!